Jerry Lewis: 12 Movie Quotes with Audio

Movie quotes delivered by Jerry Lewis, ranked by user ratings. Listen online or download free MP3 and WAV clips.

1 Bet you were never having a baby. Kid, I've never even had my appendix out.

As Alvin Korwin in At War with the Army (1950)

2 How come you didn't shave today? -No one said I was suppose to. I didn't shave yesterday and nobody said nothing.

Dean Martin as Sgt. Puccinelli; Jerry Lewis as Alvin Korwin in At War with the Army (1950)

3 You know what they'd do to me?- What can they do to you? There's nothing lower than what you are now.

As Alvin Korwin in At War with the Army (1950)

4 Yeah, I'm going to jab his head off. Where do you want the body sent? -Send it to his parents. Your body!

Dean Martin as Sgt. Puccinelli; Jerry Lewis as Alvin Korwin in At War with the Army (1950)

5 Boy, if I ever get overseas, the first thing I'm gonna do is surrender. Concentration camps have got to be better than this.

As Alvin Korwin in At War with the Army (1950)

6 You're suppose to be my friend. We lived on the same block, in the same city. And you know what you promised my mother.

As Alvin Korwin in At War with the Army (1950)

7 I'm warning you, you're driving me crazy. That's no drive, that's a short putt.

Dean Martin as Sgt. Puccinelli; Jerry Lewis as Alvin Korwin in At War with the Army (1950)

8 You know, some people tell you when you get in the army, you get used to it. But they don't say how long it takes, and I ain't getting any younger.

As Alvin Korwin in At War with the Army (1950)

9 This might sound a little hokey, but I wrote a song and... I'd like to make a record of it, just for you.

Dean Martin as Sgt. Puccinelli; Jerry Lewis as Alvin Korwin in At War with the Army (1950)

10 You'll live. That's what I'm afraid of.

Dean Martin as Sgt. Puccinelli; Jerry Lewis as Alvin Korwin in At War with the Army (1950)