The Jerk Quotes with Sound Clips - page 7

Funny and inspirational quotes from The Jerk (1979), with short sound clips.

Actors: Steve Martin (Navin R. Johnson), Bernadette Peters (Marie Kimble Johnson)

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61 Do you know why a woman of such pulchritude is married to a man like me? 'Cause I make a very comfortable living.

62 Float right down the end of this cornet. Right through here. Through these valves, right along this tube, come right up against your lips, and give you a kiss. -Why didn't you? -I didn't want to get spit on me.

— Navin R. Johnson (Steve Martin)

63 I'm in print. Things are going to start happening to me now.

— Navin R. Johnson (Steve Martin)

64 I've been eating well, though. The hospital gives out free meals of orange juice and cookies. All I have to do is give them a pint of blood. I ate there all week, 3 times a day. I decided to quit when I cut myself shaving and nothing came out but air.

65 Jeez! This _ really worked.

— Marie Kimble Johnson (Bernadette Peters)

66 She tattooed my name on her _. Not just my name, a lot of names. And funny sayings, too. She's got one up there that says, 'Slippery when wet.'

— Navin R. Johnson (Steve Martin)

67 The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control. And that's all I need! And these matches. The ashtray and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball.

— Navin R. Johnson (Steve Martin)

68 The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!

— Navin R. Johnson (Steve Martin)

69 Whoa Lordie. Pick a bale of cotton. Whoa Lordie. Pick a bale a day. (2)

70 And remember, I did this without anger. And I stayed away from your crotch.

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