291 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies with Sound Clips - page 14

Last updated on: September 11, 2025

A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

131 You know, you could have been killed! It was probably criminal negligence or manslaughter or something. You could have sued somebody. Me probably! Well, not you, 'cause you'd have been dead. But your lawyers could have.

Marilyn Monroe as The Girl in The Seven Year Itch (1952)

132 Good afternoon, Doctor. You're 15 minutes early. -Yes, I know. My 3:00 patient jumped out of the window in the middle of his session, so I have been running 15 minutes ahead of schedule ever since.

Quote from The Seven Year Itch (1952)

133 A possible solution. I submit, however, that murder is the most difficult of all crimes to commit successfully. Therefore, until you are able to commit a simple act of terror, I strongly advise you to avoid anything as complex as murder.

Quote from The Seven Year Itch (1952)

134 Well, what I mean is, if you think about it, cattle ain't got it much worse than us. -They got it better. There's always somebody feeding them.

Jane Fonda as Gloria Beatty in They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

135 What are you gonna do... put us in cages and let 'em throw peanuts at us?

Jane Fonda as Gloria Beatty in They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

136 Oh, don't imagine that you're going to die of it today or tomorrow. No, no, we can take our time.

Robert Morley as Dr Knock in Dr Knock (1954)

137 Can I have your watch when you are dead?

Quote from Three Amigos

138 Here lies... You know, I've forgotten who we just buried. -Thomson. -Ah, yes.

William Holden as Commander Shears in The Bridge on the River Kwai

139 I'm prepared to offer you embalming by the most scientific methods, a bronze coffin guaranteed good for a century regardless of the climatic, or geological conditions.

John Carradine as Beckum in The Shootist

140 Ever take a homicide picture before, son? -Well, at least he won't be movin' on us. -That's for sure.

Rod Steiger as Bill Gillespie in In the Heat of the Night (1967)