401 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 14

Updated: May 26, 2026

A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

131 Somebody stuck his blades in all his major organs in alphabetical order.

T Bird in The Crow (1994)

132 I'll bury him for you. For by the most coincidental of vicissitudes, madam, I happen to be the owner and director of a local funeral parlour.

Vincent Price as Waldo Trumbull in The Comedy of Terrors

133 It's a little better in the dark. -What is, decapitation?

Vincent Price as Waldo Trumbull; Peter Lorre as Felix Gillie in The Comedy of Terrors

134 Well, you see, this is the problem with terrorists. They're really inconsiderate when it comes to people's schedules.

Arnold Schwarzenegger as Harry Tasker in True Lies

135 How do you stop a dog from barking in July? -Countersign, Shoot them in June.

Quote from Batman (1966)

136 Satan is our only hope. We're in league with the beast now, and we have to make a really big impression on him.

Adam Brody as Nikolai Wolf in Jennifer's Body

137 This same model has a glass bottom, so that when you hit a pedestrian, you can look down and see if he was a friend of yours.

Quote from The Tex Avery Show

138 But your aim on that second shot wasn't too good, baby. So there's just one thing that's stoppin' us: the bullet hole in my belly.

Humphrey Bogart as Ben in Love's Lovely Counterfeit

139 Raving psycho. Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagle. Taking him back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses.

Chris Farley as Mike Donnelly in Black Sheep (1996)

140 Yes. Poor girl. To have died so young without ever having experienced me.

Leon Greene as Miles Gloriosus in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum