401 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 27

Updated: May 26, 2026

A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

261 Welcome aboard, Hubie. Although, welcome probably isn't the appropriate word. -Outrage! That's the appropriate word. -Yes. -Abomination!

Quote from The Pebble and the Penguin

262 Looks like I got me a new student. You know anything about fighting? Well, how do you handle pain? -What? -Oh, just kidding! How about blood?

Jim Belushi as Rocko The Rockhopper in The Pebble and the Penguin

263 He paid the help next to nothing. He drove them like sled dogs. - Wonderful man. -Wonderful! Now that he's gone, I carry on his work.

Geraldine Fitzgerald as Mrs. Kathleen Monahan in Easy Money (1983)

264 It was the most romantic moment of my life when he almost killed you.

Jennifer Jason Leigh as Allison Capuletti Ocampo in Easy Money (1983)

265 Boy, you got some nerve still being alive.

Rodney Dangerfield as Monty Capuletti in Easy Money (1983)

266 I run out in the street, hail a cab, and I say to the cabbie: Take me to the middle of the George Washington Bridge. And the cabbie turns around and he says: Don't do it, buddy! You're a young man. You got your whole life ahead of you!

William Holden as Max Schumacher in Network (1976)

267 We could make a series out of it. Suicide of the Week. Hell, why limit ourselves? Execution of the Week.

William Holden as Max Schumacher in Network (1976)

268 I love it. Suicides, assassinations, mad bombers, Mafia hit men, automobile smash-ups... The Death Hour. Great Sunday night show for the whole family. We'll wipe that _in' Disney right off the air.

William Holden as Max Schumacher in Network (1976)

269 Well, if there's anybody out there that can look around this demented slaughterhouse of a world we live in and tell me that man is a noble creature, believe me, that man is full of _.

Peter Finch as Howard Beale in Network (1976)

270 What if it goes and melts down a bus load of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that? -Nun soup? -Ben!

Fisher Stevens as Ben Jabituya; Austin Pendleton as Dr. Howard Marner in Short Circuit (1986)