Inspector Jacques Clouseau Movie Quotes & Lines – 172 Classics (+ Audio)

Updated: Sep 1, 2025

Peter Sellers as Inspector Jacques Clouseau

Find the best lines of Inspector Jacques Clouseau, the bumbling detective from The Pink Panther series, with short sound clips available in MP3 and WAV formats.

1 How can an idiot be a policeman? Answer me that. -It's very simple. All he has to do is enlist.

Peter Sellers as Inspector Jacques Clouseau; Herbert Lom as Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus in The Return of the Pink Panther (1975)

2 Hello, this is Chief Inspector Clouseau. There is a beautiful woman in my bed, and a dead man in my bath.

Peter Sellers as Inspector Jacques Clouseau in The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)

3 No matter. When you've seen one Stradivarius, you've seen them all.

Peter Sellers as Inspector Jacques Clouseau in The Pink Panther (1963)

4 Yes. You must come at once. I'm in Brunico. -Brunico? But that's in Brunico. I mean, that's 30 miles from here.

Peter Sellers as Inspector Jacques Clouseau in The Pink Panther (1963)

5 Oh, darling, you got rid of all those naughty little bubbles? -I beg your pardon? -I said, you got rid of those naughty little bubbles? -Yes, I did.

Peter Sellers as Inspector Jacques Clouseau in The Pink Panther (1963)

6 My Stradivarius. -Yes, the porter just brought it in. -I sent it to the village to be repaired. I just hope they know how to fix plastic. -I hope so, too.

Peter Sellers as Inspector Jacques Clouseau in The Pink Panther (1963)

7 You know, I don't understand this. You see, these footprints, they were made by shoes, and they were not made by feet.

Peter Sellers as Inspector Jacques Clouseau in The Pink Panther (1963)

8 Do you know why I'm smoking the wrong end? -No, darling, but I'm sure you've got a very good reason. -Right. I am smoking the wrong end because I have a very good reason.

Roger Moore as Inspector Jacques Clouseau; Joanna Lumley as Countess Chandra in Curse of the Pink Panther

9 I believe everything. And I believe nothing. I suspect everyone. And I suspect no one.

Peter Sellers as Inspector Jacques Clouseau in A Shot in the Dark (1964)

10 You're all wet. -What? Oh, yes. -Is it raining? -No, it's just that stupid driver of mine parked too close to the fountain.

Peter Sellers as Inspector Jacques Clouseau in A Shot in the Dark (1964)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau Movie Quotes & Lines – 172 Classics (+ Audio)

1 How can an idiot be a policeman? Answer me that. -It's very simple. All he has to do is enlist.

2 Hello, this is Chief Inspector Clouseau. There is a beautiful woman in my bed, and a dead man in my bath.

3 No matter. When you've seen one Stradivarius, you've seen them all.

4 Yes. You must come at once. I'm in Brunico. -Brunico? But that's in Brunico. I mean, that's 30 miles from here.

5 Oh, darling, you got rid of all those naughty little bubbles? -I beg your pardon? -I said, you got rid of those naughty little bubbles? -Yes, I did.

6 My Stradivarius. -Yes, the porter just brought it in. -I sent it to the village to be repaired. I just hope they know how to fix plastic. -I hope so, too.

7 You know, I don't understand this. You see, these footprints, they were made by shoes, and they were not made by feet.

8 Do you know why I'm smoking the wrong end? -No, darling, but I'm sure you've got a very good reason. -Right. I am smoking the wrong end because I have a very good reason.

9 I believe everything. And I believe nothing. I suspect everyone. And I suspect no one.

10 You're all wet. -What? Oh, yes. -Is it raining? -No, it's just that stupid driver of mine parked too close to the fountain.

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