337 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 17

Updated: Jan 15, 2026

A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

161 You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead.

Steve Martin as Navin R. Johnson in The Jerk

162 You know what probation is? -Yeah, sure. A knife sticking in your back.

Van Heflin as Sam Masterson; Lizabeth Scott as Antonia "Toni" Marachek in The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946)

163 Sounds just like a poem. If it rhymed, it would rhyme with murder.

Kirk Douglas as Walter O'Neil in The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946)

164 I don't want to die. I must look awful.

Gloria Grahame as Debby Marsh in The Big Heat (1953)

165 Say, the flies here are terrible. -You pick out the ones you don't like and I'll kill them for you.

Mae West as Lady Lou in She Done Him Wrong (1933)

166 Say, Lou, how about giving me another chance when I get out? -When do you get out? -15 years. -That's a date.

Gilbert Roland as Sergei Stanieff; Mae West as Lady Lou in She Done Him Wrong (1933)

167 First you find a little thread, little thread leads you to a string, and the string leads you to a rope, and from the rope you hang by the neck.

Ralph Meeker as Mike Hammer in Kiss Me Deadly (1955)

168 Okay. How much did they give you? I'll top it. -You can't top this. They said they'd let me breathe.

Ralph Meeker as Mike Hammer in Kiss Me Deadly (1955)

169 There are a couple of nice kids here with German accents. I think they'd like to make an appointment with you. By the way, one of them has a gun in my back.

Glenn Ford as Johnny Farrell in Gilda (1946)

170 Ha ha ha! What's up? Are you scared? Stay inside, you'll still die.

Quote from Shaolin Plot (1977)

337 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 17

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