355 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 17

Updated: Mar 15, 2026

A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

161 But he blamed me. You heard him. Those were his last words. -Not if you count the gurgling sound.

Jim Carrey as Lloyd Christmas; Jeff Daniels as Harry Dunne in Dumb and Dumber

162 And could the suicide attempts please be postponed till the next period?

Wallace Shawn as Mr. Wendell Hall in Clueless (1995)

163 I'm going to kill you. -I know. If I don't kill you first.

Joan Crawford as Vienna; Mercedes McCambridge as Emma Small in Johnny Guitar (1954)

164 I wish the wolves had eaten you. Then maybe I could have found a real husband!

Jada Pinkett as Toki in Princess Mononoke

165 We are here to kill the humans and save the forest.

Billy Crudup as Ashitaka in Princess Mononoke

166 When you're going to kill a god, let someone else do your dirty work.

Billy Bob Thornton as Jigo in Princess Mononoke

167 She's dead. She must have fallen from the balcony. -I will not hear unhappy things tonight. Go away!

Anne Baxter as Nefretiri in The Ten Commandments (1956)

168 You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead.

Steve Martin as Navin R. Johnson in The Jerk

169 You know what probation is? -Yeah, sure. A knife sticking in your back.

Van Heflin as Sam Masterson; Lizabeth Scott as Antonia "Toni" Marachek in The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946)

170 Sounds just like a poem. If it rhymed, it would rhyme with murder.

Kirk Douglas as Walter O'Neil in The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946)