355 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 31

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A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

301 An accident. Knocked over by a car, here in front of the house. Have seen it myself. Killed at once, immediately. Already in hell, or in heaven.

Joseph Cotten as Holly Martins in The Third Man (1949)

302 Ever stretch out on a tombstone, Delores? Feel all that nice, cool marble along your body?

Sidney Poitier as Virgil Tibbs in In the Heat of the Night (1967)

303 Statistically, they say you're more likely to get killed on the way to the airport, you know, like in a head-on crash or flying off a cliff, or getting trapped under a gas truck... That's the worst. I have this cousin... well, I had this cousin.

Jim Carrey as Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber

304 I've got a few souvenirs for you, pictures of some people you killed. Little memories you can hang on to.

Humphrey Bogart as Dist. Atty. Martin Ferguson in The Enforcer (1951)

305 Well, everything's arranged. -What is? My execution?

Paul Frees as Antoine in Utopia (1951)

306 Why don't you hang him? -You have just given me an excellent idea.

Stan Laurel as Stan in Utopia (1951)

307 We caught up with Larry before he got to the airport. He was in such a hurry, it took a couple of slugs to stop him. What's left of him is on the way to the river.

Lee Marvin as Vince Stone in The Big Heat (1953)

308 Speak up! You hear me? Talk! You hear me? Talk! Talk! -Master, they are dead. -Talk! Shut up! I know that.

Quote from Return of the Bastard Swordsman

309 What would you do if somebody tried to take her away from you? -Probably, nothing... to her.

Mae West as Lady Lou in She Done Him Wrong (1933)

310 I swear I shall make you happy. I shall die to make you happy. -Oh, but you wouldn't be much use to me dead.

Gilbert Roland as Sergei Stanieff; Mae West as Lady Lou in She Done Him Wrong (1933)