337 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 4

Updated: Jan 15, 2026

A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

31 I didn't push him. He jumped. And anyway, he had an umbrella. Is it my fault if he forgot to open it?

Jack Lemmon as Harry Hinkle in The Fortune Cookie (1966)

32 Say, how much you think my pelvis is worth? -By itself, nothing, so it's a good thing you came to me.

Walter Matthau as Whiplash Willie Gingrich in The Fortune Cookie (1966)

33 Why don't you kids go play on the freeway?

Walter Matthau as Whiplash Willie Gingrich in The Fortune Cookie (1966)

34 Shouldn't handicapped have two p's? -Two p's? I typed it myself, trying to save a little money. After all, it's a nonprofit organization.

Walter Matthau as Whiplash Willie Gingrich; Jack Lemmon as Harry Hinkle in The Fortune Cookie (1966)

35 Suppose we did win. What would you do with it? -What? With What? -The money. -Maybe I'd buy some good rat poison.

Jane Fonda as Gloria Beatty; Michael Sarrazin as Robert Syverton in They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

36 In Italy, for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance.

Orson Welles as Harry Lime in The Third Man (1949)

37 So, what does your husband do? -Nothing. -Nothing? -Well, he just lies around on his back all day. -Sounds like hard work to me.

Madeline Kahn as Miss Scarlet; Madeline Kahn as Mrs. White; Lesley Ann Warren as Miss Scarlet in Clue (1985)

38 Just checking. -Everything all right? -Yep. Two corpses. Everything's fine.

Martin Mull as Colonel Mustard in Clue (1985)

39 Even psychiatrists can tell the difference between patients who are alive or dead.

Tim Curry as Wadsworth in Clue (1985)

40 My wife does not answer your greeting because she is dead. -Dead? -Approach her and satisfy yourself.

John Carradine as Dr. Von Altermann in Revenge of the Zombies (1943)

337 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 4

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