355 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 5

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A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

41 My wife does not answer your greeting because she is dead. -Dead? -Approach her and satisfy yourself.

John Carradine as Dr. Von Altermann in Revenge of the Zombies (1943)

42 That red dress of yours fits me just perfect. -I'll bet someday you'll try on my coffin, and I hope it fits you just perfect.

Jean Brooks as Kiki Walker in The Leopard Man (1943)

43 Oh, no. I must go to the cemetery. It's my birthday.

Keefe as Jerry Manning in The Leopard Man (1943)

44 I come into this world with pink cheeks, and a healthy pair of lungs, and a lot of big ideas. How am I going out of it? A bald head, blue tongue, and a saucer of warm milk with a pill in it.

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden in The Honeymooners (1955)

45 Have you any idea how much damage this bulldozer would suffer if I were to let it roll straight over you? -How much? -None at all.

Simon Jones as Arthur Dent in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

46 The candles are lit, the band is playing, and as the force-shielded dome above us slides apart, revealing a dark and sullen sky hung with the ancient light of livid, swollen stars, I can see that we are in for a fabulous evening's apocalypse!

Simon Jones as Arthur Dent in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

47 I heard of one planet up in the seventh dimension, got used as a ball in a game of intergalactic bar billiards. Got potted straight into a black hole, killed ten billion people. -Madness, total madness! -Only scored 30 points, too.

David Dixon as Ford Prefect in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

48 Who calls him on the phone? -If you're a good swimmer, you can ask the guy who found out. He's at the bottom of the river.

Zero Mostel as Big Babe Lazick in The Enforcer (1951)

49 If I were my father, I'd have you tortured.

Claudia Cardinale as Princess Dala in The Pink Panther (1963)

50 See that? He's dead. Dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But that's life.

Jerry Seinfeld as Barry B. Benson in Bee Movie