291 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies with Sound Clips - page 5

Updated: Sep 11, 2025

A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

41 Have you any idea how much damage this bulldozer would suffer if I were to let it roll straight over you? -How much? -None at all.

Quote from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

42 The candles are lit, the band is playing, and as the force-shielded dome above us slides apart, revealing a dark and sullen sky hung with the ancient light of livid, swollen stars, I can see that we are in for a fabulous evening's apocalypse!

Quote from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

43 I heard of one planet up in the seventh dimension, got used as a ball in a game of intergalactic bar billiards. Got potted straight into a black hole, killed ten billion people. -Madness, total madness! -Only scored 30 points, too.

Ford Prefect in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

44 Who calls him on the phone? -If you're a good swimmer, you can ask the guy who found out. He's at the bottom of the river.

Zero Mostel as Big Babe Lazick in The Enforcer (1951)

45 If I were my father, I'd have you tortured.

Claudia Cardinale as Princess Dala in The Pink Panther (1963)

46 See that? He's dead. Dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But that's life.

Quote from Bee Movie

47 Oh, what angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks?

John Goodman as Layton T. Montgomery in Bee Movie

48 He's a lawyer, too? -Ma'am, I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase.

Chris Rock as Mooseblood in Bee Movie

49 Did you hear the one about the girl who didn't pay her exorcist bill? Her soul got repossessed.

Mel Blanc as Daffy Duck in Daffy Duck's Quackbusters

50 Oh, well, we can't have everything. I should be happy that I still have my sickness.

Quote from Mad Monster Party? (1967)