337 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 3

Updated: Jan 15, 2026

A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

21 Death do us part, huh? Okay. Look like you done moved up the goddamn schedule.

Eddie Murphy as Norbit in Norbit

22 They came to a castle and he battered down the doors with the trunk of an oak tree and killed everybody in it! Just so they could rest the night.

Roscoe Lee Browne as Jebediah Nightlinger in The Cowboys (1972)

23 But you know the best thing about pain? -I don't know! -It lets you know you're not dead yet!

Viggo Mortensen as Master Chief in G.I. Jane

24 Well, I did say only last week that all the loved ones that come from Mr. Joyboy have the most beautiful smiles.

Anjanette Comer as Aimée Thanatogenos in The Loved One (1965)

25 They told me you were hung... With red protruding eyeballs... And black protruding tongue.

Robert Morse as Dennis Barlow in The Loved One (1965)

26 I'm afraid my memory's very bad for live faces.

Anjanette Comer as Aimée Thanatogenos in The Loved One (1965)

27 Which service have you decided on? -Well, I don't know. -We can give you entombment, empyrement, dissemination, or eternalization. -I don't know what the hell you're talking about. -That would be embalmed, buried, scattered, or burned.

Robert Morse as Dennis Barlow in The Loved One (1965)

28 The grave's a fine and private place... But none, I think... Do there embrace.

Robert Morse as Dennis Barlow in The Loved One (1965)

29 As there are many people of delicate sensibilities, with a natural reluctance to expose their loved ones to anything savoring of immodesty, I've been considering the advantages of training a female embalmer.

Jonathan Winters as Harry And Wilbur Glenworthy in The Loved One (1965)

30 There's got to be a way to get those stiffs off my property.

Jonathan Winters as Harry And Wilbur Glenworthy in The Loved One (1965)

337 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 3

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