291 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies with Sound Clips - page 2

Last updated on: September 11, 2025

A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

11 This is Radio KSIK. You've been listening to Music for Old Invalids. Our next selection is entitled Sickroom Serenade.

Quote from The Little Shop of Horrors (1960)

12 Ransom? Certainly not because, in order for there to be a ransom, there must first be a ransom note. -Knew we forgot something.

Rabbit in The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

13 Dead men do not buy dog food!

Dom Deluise as Fagin in Oliver & Company (1988)

14 Did you lose weight? Or a limb?

John Goodman as James P. Sulley Sullivan in Monsters, Inc.

15 Well, he won't get very far, that's for sure. He hasn't got enough blood left in him to keep a chicken alive.

Quote from The Asphalt Jungle (1950)

16 Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.

John Lithgow as Lord Farquaad in Shrek (2001)

17 I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids.

Quote from Shrek (2001)

18 Death do us part, huh? Okay. Look like you done moved up the goddamn schedule.

Quote from Norbit

19 They came to a castle and he battered down the doors with the trunk of an oak tree and killed everybody in it! Just so they could rest the night.

Roscoe Lee Browne as Jebediah Nightlinger in The Cowboys (1972)

20 But you know the best thing about pain? -I don't know! -It lets you know you're not dead yet!

Viggo Mortensen as Master Chief in G.I. Jane