Joan Rivers: 22 Movie Quotes with Audio

Updated: Jul 28, 2026

Movie quotes delivered by Joan Rivers, ranked by user ratings. Listen online or download free MP3 and WAV clips.

1 That was my Virgin Alarm. It's programmed to go off before you do.

As Dot Matrix in Spaceballs

2 Here comes Sleeping Beauty! Oh, tired old thing...

In Shrek 2

3 Not in here, mister. This is a Mercedes.

As Dot Matrix in Spaceballs

4 That was pretty good for Rambo!

As Dot Matrix in Spaceballs

5 What's going on? -It's either the Fourth of July, or someone's trying to kill us!

As Dot Matrix in Spaceballs

6 My frog turned on me. -Yeah, I had some bad tuna myself.

Frank Oz as Miss Piggy; Joan Rivers in The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984)

7 And, oh my, the outfits look gorgeous! Look! Hansel and Gretel! Oh. What the heck are the crumbs for?

In Shrek 2

8 Do you think I'm pretty? -Of course you are. You're more than pretty. -Gorgeous? -Don't push it, Pig.

Frank Oz as Miss Piggy; Joan Rivers in The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984)

9 Cheekbones. That's what you need, Piggy. I mean, your face is a little round, no offense. I'm gonna give you a complete makeup job, okay?

In The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984)

10 And a little more on the cheeks. And a little more on my cheeks. A powder puff for you. And a powder puff for me.

In The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984)