Almost Heroes (1998) Quotes with Sound Clips

Almost Heroes (1998)

Funny quotes from the movie Almost Heroes (1998), featuring short sound clips of the best lines.

Actors: Chris Farley (Bartholomew Hunt), Matthew Perry (Leslie Edwards), Eugene Levy (Guy Fontenot), David Packer (Bidwell), Kevin Dunn (Hidalgo), Hamilton Camp (Pratt)

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I shall fashion for you the finest wooden leg you've ever seen.

I think there was something wrong with that whiskey. My head is splittin' open.

I wouldn't know, sir. Personally, I just finished washing my privates in the ice-cold river.

No, no, no! This can never be. I'm betrothed to another.

Once there was a hawk that swooped down from the sky... Caw! Caw! Caw! And plucked a man's eyeballs out of his sockets. Ow! Aah! The fella was screaming, I'm blind! I can't see! Oh, god! I can't get it off!

This is the uppercase... 'A'.

You can't take a woman against her will! Of course, maybe it's time, for her to spread her wings and fly.

A welsh whore who could do things with her one good arm that'd make you forget that thing on her neck.

On my worst day, I could still beat the stuffing outta you, you puffed-up crow's cock. -No, you couldn't. -I know.

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Permission to check on the condition of my woman, sir. I wanna check on her bandages, and see if she can keep some food down.

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