404 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 38

Updated: Jul 18, 2026

A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

371 And the guy went out with a virgin for six months. And on their wedding night, when they got married, they wanted to consummate the marriage, the woman wouldn't let him. And in the morning, they found the guy dead in the bed next to her.

Quote from Easy Money (1983)

372 Was Julius okay? -After being thrown out the window? Of course he wasn't okay. He lived, if that's what you mean.

Quote from Matilda (1996)

373 What's so safe about blowing people up?

Steve Guttenberg as Newton Crosby in Short Circuit (1986)

374 Reassemble. -Huh? -Reassemble.- I can't reassemble him. You squashed him. He's dead.

Tim Blaney as Number 5 The Robot; Ally Sheedy as Stephanie Speck in Short Circuit (1986)

375 I hate my life. -I hate your life too. -If I had a life, I'd hate it.

Steve Whitmire as Rizzo The Rat; The Great Gonzo in Muppet Treasure Island

376 Terrific. Captured by crazed wild pigs and sacrificed hideously before a pagan altar. -Are we lucky or what?

Steve Whitmire as Rizzo The Rat; The Great Gonzo in Muppet Treasure Island

377 It's all right, you don't have to thank me. Maybe I'll take your life one day.

Quote from The Shaolin Heroes (1980)

378 Great! We're stuck here until we shrivel up and die. -Highly improbable. -That's a relief. -We're far more likely to drown. -Oh, no!

David Thewlis as Mr. Earthworm; Simon Callow as Mr. Grasshopper in James and the Giant Peach (1996)

379 We're gonna be frozen like living statues. -Dead living statues.

Simon Callow as Mr. Grasshopper; David Thewlis as Mr. Earthworm in James and the Giant Peach (1996)

380 Ain't that right, sir? The graveyard is two blocks to the left, okay?

Rodney Dangerfield as Al Czervik in Caddyshack (1980)