207 Funny Quotes About Family from Movies (+ Audio Clips) - page 19

Last updated on: September 10, 2025

A collection of funny quotes about family from movies, complete with audio samples in mp3 & wav formats — great for ringtones or laughs.

181 I work and slave for you, and do I get any thanks for it? No, I don't. What do I get? A demolition derby in my living room.

Jon Arbuckle in Garfield on the Town

182 Oh, your brother's in jail? -But my brother is not a criminal. He only works in there.

Quote from The Deadly Breaking Sword (1979)

183 How 'bout the mortgage? How's about it? -Mortgage? What mortgage? -Oh, can't pay it, eh? Then you'll have to let me marry your beautiful daughter.

Daws Butler as Snagglepuss in Snagglepuss (1961)

184 I believe it. -You believe what? -My wife. She says, Darling, you won't believe it, but I found the most adorable baby on our doorstep and I've decided to keep it for our very own. Now, you won't believe it, but it's got exactly my eyes and nose.

Quote from Stalag 17 (1953)

185 You forget that I am married and that the one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary to both parties.

George Sanders as Lord Henry Wotton in The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945)

186 Marriage itself is merely a habit, a very bad habit. I trust it won't make you a hopelessly reformed character.

George Sanders as Lord Henry Wotton in The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945)

187 I'll be right back, Sam. -Sure, that's what my ex-wife said.

Garfield in Garfield's Babes and Bullets (1989)

188 Take my wife, please. I take my wife everywhere but she finds her way home.

Quote from Goodfellas

189 I want you to get married. I want you to have nine children. And if you only spend five minutes a day with each kid, that's 45 minutes, and I'd at least have time to go out and get a massage or something.

Danny Kaye as Phil Davis in White Christmas (1954)

190 I don't want a new family! I don't want any family! Families suck!

MacAulay Culkin as Kevin McCallister in Home Alone (1990)

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