211 Funny Quotes About Family from Movies (+ Audio Clips) - page 19

Updated: Jan 11, 2026

A collection of funny quotes about family from movies, complete with audio samples in mp3 & wav formats — great for ringtones or laughs.

181 I'll be right back, Sam. -Sure, that's what my ex-wife said.

Lorenzo Music as Garfield in Garfield's Babes and Bullets (1989)

182 My family loves you. I might as well love you.

Quote from While You Were Sleeping (1995)

183 And I don't think we're paying enough attention to our children! -Dad! -Ben, would you please stop interrupting? We're trying to have a family discussion here.

Martin Short as Martin Harvey in Captain Ron

184 Take my wife, please. I take my wife everywhere but she finds her way home.

Quote from Goodfellas

185 I want you to get married. I want you to have nine children. And if you only spend five minutes a day with each kid, that's 45 minutes, and I'd at least have time to go out and get a massage or something.

Danny Kaye as Phil Davis in White Christmas (1954)

186 Kids... 10 seconds of joy, 30 years of misery. I got married three times, but at least I was never dumb enough to have any.

Tom Arnold as Albert Gibson in True Lies

187 Doctor, I'm in serious trouble. I'm married.

Tom Ewell as Richard Sherman in The Seven Year Itch (1952)

188 Look, I'm licked. I'll be a father to him. I'll wipe his nose and brush his teeth. I'll buy him a bicycle. I'll take him camping. I'll push him in a baby carriage. I'll be a mother to him. How's that?

Humphrey Bogart as Andrew Morton in Knock on Any Door (1949)

189 I don't want a new family! I don't want any family! Families suck!

Macaulay Culkin as Kevin Mccallister in Home Alone (1990)

190 Saturday night was for wives but Friday night at the Copa was for the girlfriends.

Quote from Goodfellas