67 Movie Quotes about Masturbation with Audio – Page 2

Updated: Jul 18, 2026

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11 That's funny, 'cause my mom used to say that to me if she caught me doing stuff. Like one time, I was jerkin' my gherkin. Can I say that? And she goes, Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?

David Spade as Joe Dirt in Joe Dirt (2001)

12 I want you to know that tonight I am gonna pleasure myself to the image of you doing that to Derek. You know what I mean? Masturbate. I am.

Kathryn Hahn as Alice Huff in Step Brothers (2008)

13 Give a man a vagina and he will shpichs for a day. Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina, and he will shpichs for a lifetime.

Sacha Baron Cohen as Admiral General Aladeen in The Dictator (2012)

14 I've done my labeneh all over the wellness center.

Sacha Baron Cohen as Admiral General Aladeen in The Dictator (2012)

15 You put your hand on your bilbul and you rub it, and then you can make your own labeneh come out. You don't have to spend any Rolexes. You don't have to give any dirty diamonds.

Sacha Baron Cohen as Admiral General Aladeen in The Dictator (2012)

16 I don't know, I... I was downstairs self juicing.

Jason Mantzoukas as "Nuclear" Nadal; Nuclear Nadal in The Dictator (2012)

17 Yeah! Aloha, Mr. Hand.

Sean Penn as Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High

18 I'd strike while the iron is hot if I were you. He who hesitates, masturbates. Go.

Jim Carrey as Cable Guy in The Cable Guy (1996)

19 She taught me all about foreplay. Until then, I ain't never done foreplay before. But then again, who needs foreplay when you're jackin' off?

Shawn Wayans as Ashtray in Don't Be a Menace

20 How's your hands? Let me see. You've hurt 'em again. You can't keep on doing this.

Quote from Savage Killers