65 Movie Quotes about Masturbation (+ Sound Clips) - page 2

Updated: Sep 1, 2025

Memorable quotes about masturbation, selected from famous or less known movies and other sources by Movie-Sounds.org's visitors, accompanied by short mp3 and wav audio samples.

11 Oh, Lord! Do we have the strength to carry on this mighty task in one night? Or are we just jerking off?

Quote from Blazing Saddles (1974)

12 That's funny, 'cause my mom used to say that to me if she caught me doing stuff. Like one time, I was jerkin' my gherkin. Can I say that? And she goes, Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?

David Spade as Joe Dirt in Joe Dirt (2001)

13 I want you to know that tonight I am gonna pleasure myself to the image of you doing that to Derek. You know what I mean? Masturbate. I am.

Kathryn Hahn as Alice Huff in Step Brothers (2008)

14 I did it! I just jerked it completely off! I did it all by myself! With this hand right here!

Sacha Baron Cohen as Admiral General Aladeen in The Dictator (2012)

15 Give a man a vagina and he will shpichs for a day. Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina, and he will shpichs for a lifetime.

Sacha Baron Cohen as Admiral General Aladeen in The Dictator (2012)

16 I've done my labeneh all over the wellness center.

Sacha Baron Cohen as Admiral General Aladeen in The Dictator (2012)

17 You put your hand on your bilbul and you rub it, and then you can make your own labeneh come out. You don't have to spend any Rolexes. You don't have to give any dirty diamonds.

Sacha Baron Cohen as Admiral General Aladeen in The Dictator (2012)

18 I don't know, I... I was downstairs self juicing.

Jason Mantzoukas as Nuclear Nadal in The Dictator (2012)

19 Yeah! Aloha, Mr. Hand.

Sean Penn as Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High

20 I'd strike while the iron is hot if I were you. He who hesitates, masturbates. Go.

Jim Carrey as Cable Guy in The Cable Guy (1996)

65 Movie Quotes about Masturbation (+ Sound Clips) - page 2

11 Oh, Lord! Do we have the strength to carry on this mighty task in one night? Or are we just jerking off?

12 That's funny, 'cause my mom used to say that to me if she caught me doing stuff. Like one time, I was jerkin' my gherkin. Can I say that? And she goes, Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?

13 I want you to know that tonight I am gonna pleasure myself to the image of you doing that to Derek. You know what I mean? Masturbate. I am.

14 I did it! I just jerked it completely off! I did it all by myself! With this hand right here!

15 Give a man a vagina and he will shpichs for a day. Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina, and he will shpichs for a lifetime.

16 I've done my labeneh all over the wellness center.

17 You put your hand on your bilbul and you rub it, and then you can make your own labeneh come out. You don't have to spend any Rolexes. You don't have to give any dirty diamonds.

18 I don't know, I... I was downstairs self juicing.

19 Yeah! Aloha, Mr. Hand.

20 I'd strike while the iron is hot if I were you. He who hesitates, masturbates. Go.

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