404 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips) - page 8

Updated: Jul 18, 2026

A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

71 Liquidation of assets. Which is hardly a crime. -I'll wait until I can put you on trial for murder.

Cornel Wilde as Leonard Diamond; Richard Conte as Mr. Brown in The Big Combo (1955)

72 You would not find me suitable. Because my first official act would be to have you all crucified.

Quote from The Fall of the Roman Empire (1964)

73 Sounds like someone's sick. How lovely. I do hope it's serious. Something dreadful.

Martha Wentworth as Madam Mim in The Sword in the Stone (1963)

74 Let's get out of this stinking weather before we're statistics.

Gilbert Gottfried as Berkeley Beetle in Thumbelina (1994)

75 Ryan, some things in here don't react well to bullets. Yeah. Like me. I don't react well to bullets.

Alec Baldwin as Jack Ryan in The Hunt for Red October

76 Ha! Prepare a eulogy. That song has just been murdered.

Quote from The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars

77 Remember the squirrels? -Don't even say it. -First I knocked them out of their nest with a rock. Then I saved them.

Quote from While You Were Sleeping (1995)

78 Every day begins with misery, breakfast in a rusty cup, then we all get good and miserable and then we all throw up

Quote from The Pebble and the Penguin

79 Where you headed? -Same place you are, Jeremiah: Hell, in the end.

Stefan Gierasch as Del Gue; Robert Redford as Jeremiah Johnson in Jeremiah Johnson (1972)

80 Yesterday I announced on this program that I was going to commit public suicide. Admittedly, an act of madness. Well, I'll tell you what happened. I just ran out of _.

Peter Finch as Howard Beale in Network (1976)