40 Funny Quotes About Gambling from Movies (+ Audio Clips)

Updated: Sep 15, 2025

A collection of funny quotes about gambling from movies, complete with audio samples in mp3 & wav formats — great for ringtones or laughs.

1 I didn't quit because of religion. I quit because of mathematics. That's right. The odds are stacking up against me.

Clint Eastwood as Jonathan Hemlock in The Eiger Sanction

2 I'll bet you 20 bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day. -No way. -I'll give you 3-to-1 odds. -Nope. -5-to-1? -Nope. -10-to-1? -You're on.

Quote from Dumb and Dumber

3 All I have to do is bet on the winner, and I'll never lose.

Biff Tannen in Back to the Future Part II

4 Never tell me the odds!

Harrison Ford as Han Solo in Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

5 Cards, halt! Count off! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, jack.

Quote from Alice in Wonderland (1951)

6 It's a island, dear, and a glorious one, because they have a queen and they have a royal family. -Oh, just like a poker game. -It's a full house.

Robin Williams as Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire in Mrs. Doubtfire

7 But I'll tell you what. We have a very nice roulette wheel here. Why don't you forget this phony bet? Take the $900. Go out there and win some money... honestly.

Quote from Blackbeard's Ghost (1968)

8 If we put all the chips we've got left onto one number, and it comes up... Yeah. We're still in business.

Dean Jones as Steve Walker in Blackbeard's Ghost (1968)

9 Don't ever play cards with Pompidou. He's been banned from Las Vegas and Monte Carlo.

Janeane Garofalo as Colette Tatou in Ratatouille

10 I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck. -How lucky can they be? They're dead.

Grandmother Fa in Mulan (1998)

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