307 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips)

Updated: Oct 30, 2025

A selection of dark humor quotes with sound bites from famous or less known movies, as rated by our visitors, accompanied by short MP3 or WAV audio samples.

1 How'd you like a tabby cat stew? Or a cat casserole? À la mode.

Rod Taylor as Pongo in 101 Dalmatians (1961)

2 A few drops in his drink, then I'll propose a toast, and he will be dead before dessert. -Which is a real shame, because it's gonna be delicious.

Eartha Kitt as Yzma; Patrick Warburton as Kronk in The Emperor's New Groove

3 People have a nasty habit of getting dead around you.

Clint Eastwood as Inspector "Dirty" Harry Callahan in Sudden Impact (1983)

4 Stretch out your neck, and I'll grab the rope.

David Spade as Emperor Kuzco in The Emperor's New Groove

5 Now, all dead... Well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do. Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

Billy Crystal as Miracle Max in The Princess Bride (1987)

6 I didn't just survive a wreck. I wasn't just blown up yesterday. I have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted and burned.

Bill Murray as Phil Connors in Groundhog Day

7 If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with Merry Christmas on his lips would be cooked with his own turkey, and buried with a stake of Holly through his heart.

Michael Caine as Ebenezer Scrooge in The Muppet Christmas Carol

8 Oh, here's Happy. Good news, Happy! The lightnin' hit her and she fell off the cliff! She's dead!

Roy Atwill as Doc Dwarf in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1938)

9 A man says he's paralyzed, we simply throw him in the snake pit. If he climbs out, then we know he's lying. -And if he doesn't climb out? -Then we have lost a patient, but we have found an honest man.

Jack Lemmon as Harry Hinkle in The Fortune Cookie (1966)

10 The time has come to liquidate our guests.

Maximilian Schell as Dr. Hans Reinhardt in The Black Hole (1979)

307 Dark Humor Quotes from Movies (+ Sound Clips)

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