The Honeymooners (1955)

The Honeymooners (1955) poster

The funniest lines and quotes from The Honeymooners (1955) TV Series, with sound clips.

Actors: Jackie Gleason (Ralph Kramden), Audrey Meadows (Alice Kramden), Art Carney (Ed Norton)

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91 Hey, how come Alice found out about such a thing as television? I thought you kept her in the dark on things like that.
92 How about a friend of mine. Doctor examined him, gave him only six months to live, too. Boy, he made a monkey out of that doctor. -What happened? -He lived for almost eight months!
93 I haven't had any water in so long, I'm beginning to see mirages.
94 I knew you'd be up here. Headaches and you go together.
95 I know why you haven't got any excuse. You're afraid to give me an excuse! 'Cause you know that I know that you know that I know what you've been doing around here all day! Sitting there, fooling around!
96 I read a book on how to influence people, it said the main thing is not to talk about yourself.
97 I'm gonna count to five. And when I get to five, you'd better be out that door. Now I'm gonna count.
98 If I come in here in the morning, and I tell you to do something, and when I come back at night, if that thing isn't done, you get one demerit. And you'll get one demerit every time you don't do something that I tell ya.
99 If I told you once, I told you a hundred times, don't call me janitor. I am a maintenance engineer.
100 If you touch that piano again, I'll lose all my respect for you.
 
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